Been a little confused as of late, I've felt like I might not have the correct tools to succeed in certain areas of my life. I don't know much about love, or, i do--but what I know is mostly negative.
My mother has never been married. No relationship has withstood the test that is time. How can I have a successful and loving relationship when I have not witnessed one? 100% of the relationships I have close to have either failed and/or been detrimental. I have often felt as though I may be doomed. Am I doomed? I lived with a woman and her husband in beautiful Victoria B.C. they divorced due to the woman wanting for something more, something more powerful. This lead to her falling in love with a woman who was a police officer.
I lived with a man and his common law wife. They used each other. Her using him for a place to live and place to board her daughter. He used her for extra curricular activities, cooking and cleaning and doing the laundry. Sex was used as a bargaining tool. The man told me love was a fairy tale, a myth. He put a lot of effort and emotion into making me believe that love was not real. They are not together anymore.
I was always far too young to take any type of positive from my mothers relationships.
I lived with another man and his common law wife in lonely Lloydminster, Alberta. This situation was similar to the previous situation. Not as mentally abusive, but I never quite understood how or why they loved each other. There was no romance in my eyes.
A lady I quite look up to and spend much time with divorced her husband before I was born. From what I have heard that was a loveless relationship. But she fell in love again. Again I was too young to take anything positive from these two. He died. She still loves him.
My great grandfather! A gentlemen! Hope for the Jackson family! Lucky enough to fall in love twice only to have both his loves pass. I don't remember either of these women. I can see why they loved him though, at 97 his smile is encouraging as it is engaging. His eyes are full of peace and grace. He sings and compliments. I would like to be like him.
After tossing that all around it does indeed sound like Love very well may be a fairy tale. A dream that is not meant to be touched by the likes of me. Now I ask myself; What is it that I believe love is?

Love is achievable. Love is a powerful tool and often misused. Love is never taking advantage of your partner. Love is undying trust and honesty. Love is brilliant and beautiful. Love is total acceptance and devotion. Love is sharing. Love is give and take - furthermore, love is an absolute understanding of balance between giving and receiving. Love is embracing imperfection and understanding potential is reachable. Love is hard yet worth the effort. Love is eternal faith and reward. Love is time and commitment. Love is not forced. Love has no expectations, it just is. Love is stunning. Love is simple while complex. Love can be contagious. Love is courage when close to defeat. Love finds victory in defeat. Love is attainable. Love is real. Love is freedom. Love is not bound by actions, rather - Love is sustained/maintained by mind, body + soul. Love is energy shared. love is not general satisfaction, it is glorious. Love is a touch on the shoulder letting you know everything is going to be alright while not having to say a word. Love is realistic and I have faith that one day I will be blessed to revel in its light and warmth. I applaud any man/woman who has walked its road, full of inspiration and knows nothing of the words hate, envy, greed, abuse, and lust.
I am fairly positive that if I am to ever find this love in myself I am within reach of sharing it with another.